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Posts Tagged ‘fantasy funk’

Sorry

October 12, 2009 Leave a comment

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. I have been very busy at work. (Stupid real job.) However, I do hope to find some time in the near future to update the site on a regular basis (again). Until then, feel free to contact me directly (fantasy.funk@gmail.com) with any questions.

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Week 4 Watch List

September 29, 2009 Leave a comment

Here are some players to keep an eye on this week. If they continue to perform, add them to your roster.

QB Mark Sanchez (NYJ): His numbers are not jaw-dropping, but he is fairly consistent and plays on a team with a good defense and good running game. Which makes him a solid play if your starter is on bye or injured.

QB Chad Henne (MIA): Not sure how good he will be, but he is a starter now that QB Chad Pennington is done for the year, so give him some thought if you are desperate.

QB Josh Johnson (TB): It looks like QB Byron Leftwich has been benched. I doubt Johnson will do much, but you never know.

RB Jerome Harrison (CLE): I am a little disappointed that RB James Davis did not get more chances while RB Jamal Lewis was out with injury. Not sure if Harrison is the RB2 in CLE or if Davis is still dealing with injury issues of his own. Either way, as long as Lewis is slowed by injuries, keep an eye on both Harrison and Davis to see who gets the touches.

WR Keenan Burton (STL): I was big on WR Laurent Robinson, but now that he is on IR, someone else has to step up. And that guy could be Burton.

WR Mike Wallace (PIT): PIT cannot run the ball, so they will have to pass. And Wallace has looked pretty good as the third option. Keep an eye on him.

WR Andre Caldwell (CIN): I expected WR Chris Henry to be more productive, but he seems to be limited by injuries. Which has opened the door for Caldwell.

WR Chaz Schilens (OAK): He could play this week. Although with how poorly the fat caveman is throwing the ball, it might not matter. But keep an eye on him. He is tall and lanky, so maybe he can catch some of those errant passes.

TE Vernon Davis (SF): Davis had a big game against MIN and has done alright otherwise this year. Keep an eye on him and see if they continue to go to him in the red zone.

3 Losers & a Douchebag

September 28, 2009 Leave a comment

Loser #1: I think we can officially say that WR Terrell Owens is no longer an elite fantasy WR. He had zero catches in week 3, and only has 5 catches for 98 yards and a TD on the season. Which is what he used to have in a game. For falling from fantasy stardom, Mr. Owens, you are a loser.

Loser #2: When you repeatedly post super-human numbers, people expect super-human numbers. Which is why QB Drew Brees is a loser this week. He failed to throw for more than 200 yards and failed to throw a TD pass. Which is par for the course for half of the starting QBs in the NFL. But for Brees? It is unacceptable. Mr. Brees, you are a loser.

Loser #3: No one expected monster numbers from RB Frank Gore this week against MIN, but people expected more than 1 carry. For tricking us into thinking you were healthy enough to play and then bowing out after only 1 carry, Mr. Gore, you are a loser.

Douchebag: The douchebag this week is someone most of you have probably never heard of. His name is FB John Kuhn of GB. Why is he the douchebag this week? Well, because he scored on a 1-yard TD run and a 10-yard TD reception, both of which most likley would have otherwise been TDs for RB Ryan Grant. So, for stealing TDs from a guy who should have had a huge fantasy day, Mr. Kuhn, you are a douchebag.

Douchebag Honorable Mention: Umm… Can someone tell me who FB Daniel Fells is? He came out of nowhere to have 2 TD catches against GB. Which means that both FBs in the GB-STL game were douchebags this weekend.

3 Losers & a Douchebag

September 21, 2009 Leave a comment

Loser # 1: Everyone expected NE to go right back to their glory of 2007 when QB Tom Brady returned. And week 1 was a nice start. But in week 2, WR Randy Moss only posted 24 yards. And for that, he is a loser.

Loser # 2: Last week, TE Zach Miller showed everyone why he was considered a sleeper at TE when he caught 6 passes for 96 yards. Then he followed that up by completely disappearing. That should teach us a lesson: Never trust the fat caveman (aka QB Jamarcus Russell). And for teaching us that lesson, he is a loser.

Loser #3: Umm… WTF WR Greg Jennings? Zero catches against CIN? How is that even possible? You know what? I don’t even wanna know. Because either way, you are a loser.

Douchebag: My douchebag this week is personal. QB Matt Schaub (HOU) is my douchebag this week because I recommended that you sit him because he was facing the TEN defense and he struggled in week 1. But instead of struggling, he blew up and threw for 347 yards and 4 TDs, making him the highest scoring QB. What a douchebag.

Week 1 Injury Report

September 8, 2009 Leave a comment

So, it’s finally here. Week 1 of the NFL season. Which means it is time to stop bragging about how sweet your team is and try to figure out how to win your week 1 matchup. Hopefully you are not dealing with any injured players, but just in case you are, here is a rundown of who is injured and whether you can expect them to play.

QB Kurt Warner (ARI): Warner (hip) is old and has a crazy wife, but he will play in week 1.

QB Carson Palmer (CIN): Palmer (ankle) will play in week 1.

QB Kyle Orton (DEN): Orton (finger) is expected to start in week 1.

QB Matt Cassel (KC): Cassel’s (knee) status for week 1 is still unclear.

QB Matt Schaub (HOU): Schaub (ankle) will be in the lineup in week 1.

RB Maurice Jones-Drew (JAX): MJD (shin) has missed practice and his status for week 1 is unclear. But until we hear otherwise, I think he will be in the lineup. His touches may be limited though. So expect rookie RB Rashad Jennings and RB/FB Greg Jones to get some extra work.

RB Jonathan Stewart (CAR): Stewart’s (achilles) status for week 1 is in doubt. RB DeAngelo Williams should benefit greatly from this. Also, rookie RB Mike Goodson could get some extra work.

RB Brian Westbrook (PHI): Westbrook (knee, ankle) had 2 offseason surgeries, but is expected to be in the lineup in week 1.

RB Pierre Thomas (NO): Thomas’ (knee) status for week 1 is in doubt. Grab RB Mike Bell if he is available in your league. He should do well against DET.

RB Clinton Portis (WAS): Portis (ribs) is back at practice and will start at RB in week 1.

RB Reggie Bush (NO): Bush (knee) should play in week 1, but he is not 100%.

RB Knowshon Moreno (DEN): Moreno (knee) is on schedule to play in week 1. But I do not expect him to get a full load quite yet.

RB Beanie Wells (ARI): Wells (ankle) seems to be fully-recoverd from his ankle injury, but RB Tim Hightower is the starter as of now.

RB Marshawn Lynch (BUF): Lynch (suspension) will miss the first 3 games. RB Fred Jackson should see a majority of the touches in his absence.

RB Fred Jackson (BUF): Jackson (wrist) should be ready to go. RB Xavier Omon would get some touches if Jackson is not 100% healthy.

WR Greg Jennings (GB): Jennings (concussion) is ready to go in week 1.

WR Anquan Boldin (ARI): Boldin (hamstring) has missed practices recently, but I think he will be ready for week 1.

WR Terrell Owens (BUF): Owens’ (toe) is supposed to be ready and should be on the field this weekend.

WR Antonio Bryant (TB): Bryant (knee) is expected to be ready for week 1.

WR Donnie Avery (STL): Avery (foot) should be available for the week 1 game.

WR Chaz Schilens (OAK): Schilens (foot) will miss the first couple weeks of the season.

WR Nate Washington (TEN): Washington (hamstring) is expected to miss a week or 2.

WR Mike Sims-Walker (JAX): Sims-Walker (aknle) finally got on the field in the JAX preseason finale (and caught a TD). His status in the lineup is unclear, but he should be healthy enough to play.

WR Steve Breaston (ARI): Breaston (knee) is expected to be ready for week 1.

WR Michael Crabtree (SF): I have yet to confirm this, but I believe Crabtree must have hit his head very hard. Because the sh!t this guy is pulling is insane.

Did I miss anyone? I hope not. Post a comment if you have a question about a player that is not listed here and I will get back to you with an update…

Preseason Injury Roundup

September 2, 2009 Leave a comment

It’s this time of the year when everyone starts complaining that the preseason is too long and all that happens is players are injured unnecessarily. And that may be true. But the preseason is not going anywhere. And, unfortunately, neither are preseason injuries. Here are some notable injuries to be aware of as we head into the regular [fantasy] season. I am sure I missed a few. And I might have even made up a couple. It is kinda hard to get a read on injuries during the preseason, since teams are not required to disclose them on an injury report.

QB Tom Brady (NE): Brady injured his throwing shoulder when DT Albert Haynesworth fell on him in the third preseason game. But Brady is apparently back at practice and expects to be fine for the opener. So Brady and Moss owners can breath easily.

QB Drew Brees (NO): I know, I know. Brees himself is not hurt. I am probably freaking people out by putting him on this list. But I only include him here because his starting LT is injured and will miss the first part of the season. And, just in case you did not know, the LT is a very important component of the passing game. Brees should do just fine, but it is something to be aware of.

QB Brent Farve (MIN): [Please note that I refuse to call him by his real name. That person retired a couple of years ago from the Packers.

QB Matt Cassel (KC): As if he did not have enough question marks hanging over his head, now he has to deal with a knee and ankle injury. There are conflicting reports regarding his availability for week 1, but it seems likely that he will miss some time. Keep checking on the updates as week 1 gets closer. But you should have a backup plan.

QB Matt Schaub (HOU): Shocking to find Schaub on the injury report, huh? I am always tempted by his talent, but I simply cannot bring myself to draft him anymore. He is too injury-prone. And now he will enter the season beat up. Which is not a good sign.

QB Kyle Orton (DEN): Orton has what is being described as an “open dislocation”. I am no doctor (nor do I play one on TV), but that does not sound good. As with Cassel, there are mixed reports on whether he will plan in week 1. Hopefully you drafted Orton as your QB2, so it does not matter. If you drafted him as your QB1, well, you might want to check the waiver wire and see who else is out there.

QB Carson Palmer (CIN): Palmer has been nursing a high-ankle sprain all preseason. Which is not good. But he claims to be healing and that he will be ready for Week 1. His availability will have a huge impact on the rest of the CIN players.

Read more…

I don’t wanna say “I told you so”, but…

September 2, 2009 Leave a comment

… I have 14 random predictions for the upcoming season, and when they come true, I will definitely say “I told you so” — even though I do not want to. I will request, however, that you kindly refrain from pointing out all of the times I am wrong. Because, well, that would just be rude.

Also, just in case you missed them, here are my previous 17 Crazy Predictions.

Onto the nonsense…

1. RB Steven Jackson will have the most yards from scrimmage in 2009.

2. WR Randy Moss will have at least 15 TDs.

3. QB Brent Farve will have at least 15 INTs.

4. WR Chaz Schilens will outscore WR Devin Hester.

5. WR Braylon Edwards will have at least 1,000 yards and 7 TDs.

6. WR Terrell Owens will wear out his welcome in BUF.

7. RB Leon Washington will score more fantasy points than RB Thomas Jones.

8. QB Mike Vick will have a better passer rating than the Mouthbreather (QB Eli Manning).

9. RB Felix Jones will average more than 5.0 YPC.

10. RB Ray Rice will score more fantasy points than

11. TE Jermichael Finley will score at least 6 TDs for GB.

12. TE Visanthe Shiacnoe will be a top-10 TE.

13. WR Larry Fitzgerald will not score more TDs than WR Anquan Boldin.

14. WR Chris Henry will score more fantasy points than WR Roy Williams.